I Guess The Rapture IS Post-Tribulational

Bad news, my Christian brothers.

Since Antichristobama has been elected President of the United States, that must mean that the tribulation has already begun. Despite my belief to the contrary, it has become obvious that Jesus will not be taking us back until the end of the seven years of misery.

Be ready.

More later.

My Interview Was CUT From Expelled!

I can't believe this!

Jesus is coming back in only a matter of days, and I get the disappointment of a lifetime: my interview for the film Expelled! has been cut!

I've personally been unable to attend a screening, for fear of Richard Dawkins or PZ Myers showing up, but a friend of mine attended a recent screening in California and informed me that I was not in the film nor in the end credits! I get the feeling that "Big Hollywood" thought the information I gave was too dangerous for the children they're busy indoctrinating.

As soon as I get raptured, I'm going to kick Mark's ass.

Less Than 12 Days Until Jesus Returns

It's gonna be so sweet. I can't decide if I want to laugh at those left behind as I'm being raptured or bask in the glory of Jesus. It's a tough call. I'm thinking the choice will be clear when the situation is upon me.

I'm looking forward to seeing many people; Grandpa, Grandma-ma, Poppy, Nan-Nan, Aunt Mack.

Someone else I'm looking forward to meeting is Illinois State Representative Monique Davis (D). Yes, I actually want to meet a Democrat. Why? Because of the below video (please ignore the last few minutes, some idiot made this video).

Return of: The Flat Earth Society

As a believer in the pre-Tribulation return of Christ to rapture me and all other (real) Christians, Jesus isn't the only thing I see making a comeback in the near future. I envision the return of the Flat Earth Society.

During the 7 years of the Tribulation, those left behind with the Antichrist(s) will realize that the Earth is flat. And Jesus will prove it: He'll redeem God's science as he redeems God's chosen.

If the Earth were round, Jesus' return on his awesome dinosaur wouldn't appear simultaneously to everyone on the planet. The people on one side of the planet would see Him coming first, and could call their friend on the other side and tell them to pray and accept Jesus real quick – and I don't think Jesus wants that to happen. Only a flat earth will permit the grand spectacle that day, and all will witness... and my friends and I will ride back on our own awesome dinosaurs.

Here's a graphical depiction of how that works.


Less than three weeks away now. It's going to be so sweet.

The End is Near: UPDATE! New Evidence of the Approaching End-Times!

Our Lord certainly must be planning his eminent return. How else could you explain this Apocalyptic spectacle?

THE END IS NEAR

I took some time to go into the mountains and get closer to God. Then he started showing me an awesome vision.

The End Times. The beginning of those 7 awful years. Worse for me, since I shall be persecuted and prevented from buying and selling; I simply refuse to take the mark of the beast.

April 20, 2008. It's going to happen, possibly noon-ish. I hope you are ready. If you are not, perhaps it is time you came to recognize Jesus as your personal savior and stop living your meteorologist-loving-secular-molecular-germ-theory- coming-from-apes-global-warming-big-bang- homosexual-science lifestyle.

I'm having more visions. More later.

People, Let Me Tell Ya Bout My Best Friend

I need to tell you about a fantasy I've always had: the ability to lounge back in my recliner in a pair of overly snug tighty-whiteys and keep other people from accessing information I didn't like. Until now, that's just been a dream. But someone has finally made it a reality.

Oh, Abunga, how I love thee! Let me count the ways!

1. blocked The Golden Compass
2. blocked anything by Richard Dawkins
3. blocked Fahrenheit 451
   

That's at least three ways I love you already. What a sweet concept: I don't like a book, so I ban it and you can't buy it either. Admittedly, there is a flaw in the system — it takes many people banning a book to get it completely removed. So, my loyal legion, sign up and start banning all that science nonsense forthwith!

I Wish They'd Just Study Meteors

Those damn meteorologists are at it again. Poisoning the brains of our young with rotten lies.

7-year-old Cameron McLellan wants to be — get this — a meteorologist when he grows up. Wonder who got him hooked? Oh, it was The Weather Channel. Surprise, surprise.

Q: Why are you so fascinated with the weather?
A: It's all the nature in it, and all the things weather can do. Like lightning can strike twice.

The nature in it? If that's what's so fascinating, why isn't he turning to the Lord? That's what's interesting to me. I wonder if little Cameron knows much about "ensemble forecasting," the way the meteorologists acknowledge their mistakes in advance by using multiple composites with many variables to calculate their predictions. It's nothing more than shameless bet-hedging that will allow them to be "wrong" without being "in the wrong." Those variables — those are my Lord's way of letting you know who is in charge.

I think it's time we make a stand and keep these vile people from poisoning our youth and spitting on our religion. I've been calling for a boycott for years, but I think it's really time we got it going.

Don't Try to Comment if You're Going to be a Smart Ass

Yes. You. Don't even think about it.

Example:

Kyle, you lowlife piece of shit. Torturing scientists is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life, next to some of the "theories" behind intelligent design. I can see how the two potentially correlate, but that doesn't give them credence. And you really need to stop writing some really stupid shit, posting it, then going back 20 minutes later and changing it to slightly less stupid shit, then further reverting every time someone tries to comment and point out your mistakes (your comment queue is more like a gas chamber) until you've removed most of the "science" debates and left a completely unsupported insane argument. You vomit out a topic to debate, block any potential opponents from expressing their view, then go off on some tangent and declare an undeserved victory.
-Jeff

Well, Jeff (I'm actually assuming that you're PZ Myers due to the foul language), I believe you owe me an apology. I just posted your comment in the body of the blog posting; therefore, I win.

Evolving a Soul

One of the bits of scientific research that I've had to slowly accept over the years is the theory of evolution. There was simply too much evidence in its favor — but that doesn't mean it's not in God's favor. What an ingenuous way of creating life!

But I was thinking, just the other night, about the horrible implications of evolution. First, there is an unseen force called "NATURAL SELECTION" that goes around killing all the weaker, dumber animals. Last time I checked, that force was called "THE ANGEL OF DEATH" and he works for the Big Man Upstairs. There's one dilemma solved.

Then another dilemma hit me, one that I am still trying to work out. If man evolved from a lower form, did we at some point 'evolve' a soul? Or will every creature in the lineage of our species also be in heaven? I just don't want to be in heaven with a bunch of Neanderthals. I think I have figured it out, though. At some point, man evolved a soul — it obviously has the awesome characteristic of immortality that the Holy Spirit would have to select for. Below, I've presented a diagram of when I think this occurred. Your comments, if they are agreeable, are welcomed.

Revelations from Hagee

When it comes to modern Apocalyptic soothsaying, John Hagee is the man. After undergoing my spiritual circumcision, I was introduced to Rev. Hagee by way of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, a TV station to which I regularly send sizable donations. And Hagee has put in his 2¢ worth on the 2008 election: McCain wins, hands down.

It gives me a good feeling inside — if you're not familiar with Hagee, he understands the Book of Revelation better than any living person (not a simple feat). I've spent countless hours hearing his foretelling of Israel's invasion by Russia and Iran, the rise of the Anti-Christ (heads up: it will be the head of the European Union) and the battle at Megiddo (you know, Armageddon). I'll admit that many people have tried this whole prediction thing and it hasn't always went as planned. In fact, I believe I'm correct in saying that 100% of past Armageddon predictions have been wrong. But we're not dealing with those people — they were wrong. We're dealing with the Reverend John Hagee. And he can only be right.

I'm personally comfortable that more than $1 million in donations to Hagee's church go to pay his salary. I believe my donations are helping Rev. Hagee become more comfortable in order to be in the spiritual condition to allow him to receive Divine Revelation. And as any subscriber to the Prosperity Doctrine (myself included) will tell you, this is just evidence that God has blessed Rev. Hagee for the good work he's been doing. I tend to trust those who have more money than I do. God doesn't deliver false profit.

So with his record of extreme correctiness, Hagee has sealed the deal for McCain. And if that doesn't win the election for my Republican allies, then nothing will — except maybe the fact that Barak Hussein Ali-Obama is a Musselman!

Back From Hiatus

I took a little time off to reflect on the wonders of God and the greatness he bestows upon America. And then I took the time to thank him for the producers of the upcoming documentary EXPELLED. Ben Stein, one of the good Jews, and his well-financed film takes a look at how Big Science has for years been intent on destroying God. First, it's the round-earth and heliocentric concepts — then they hook the children with rain and evolution. While, sadly, this film doesn't mention the theory of the Weeping Deity, it does bring up the equally valid topic of intelligent design.

If you don't go see this movie, you will go to hell. Ben Stein is a Jew and he's going to hell; you still have time to save yourself.

Satan's In Your Living Room #2

Yes, Old Scratch is still living in that idiot-box in your living room.


NOTE: STEVE DOOCY IS OK, I DON'T THINK HE WORKS FOR SATAN

You know, watching the weatherman "forecast" or "foretell" the weather may seem rather innocent, but it's a lot like denying God and Jesus. In Genesis 2:5, just before we learn of our own creation as men, we learn that:

"...the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth..."

Of course, this passage has the implication that God had not made it rain yet, but there's no question in what this phrase tells us: God makes it rain, when He chooses, and doesn't heed the soothsayings of the weatherman. God knows you don't need the weatherman.

Staying on topic, when you put your trust in the devil and his workers rather than in the LORD Jesus Christ, you are denying Jesus and denying his precious gift of being saved from an eternity in hell. Don't be like Peter and deny Jesus thrice before the cock crows: at 5pm, 6pm and 11pm.

Meteorology Will Always Be Wrong

Thanks to Charly.

Elitist Scientists and Their God, Evidence

Shortly before closing the old blog, I received this in an e-mail:

"Kyle, you are the biggest idiot to have ever existed. You are either yanking our collective chain, or you are ignorant to an extent which pains me. Because, you see, there is this little thing we in the science world call 'evidence,' though I'm sure you're unfamiliar with the term. This is when we make observations and draw conclusions based from these. To test our conclusions, we make predictions and then see if we were right. Your method of science is to make a rash assumption, call the Bible evidence, and post it for everyone to see."

I won't pain you with the rest of the e-mail, which is an exercise in complete and utter ignorance. To answer his question (I'm sure it's a guy, almost all scientists and science-wannabes are guys acting on homo-erotic impulses), I'm neither. I'm certainly not an idiot, I have years of theological training including 6 years at a highly respected seminary, and was taught the Bible (KJV ONLY!) from the time I could understand it.

I know about science and its "evidence," but I also know that the only evidence I need is in my heart. Jesus dwells there, and it is He who tells me that science, from its inception, has been a tool of Satan to turn young minds away from the Creator.

Your "god" is empirical, but mine is divine.

Satan's In Your Living Room

It's true: Satan's in your living room — on your television.

Would you like to meet him? It's easy. Just wait until around 12 or 13 minutes after 6PM, then flip the channel to the local news. That guy, standing in front of the map, gesticulating wildly, is an avatar of Satan.

God wants you to believe in Him and trust his divine plan, not the random soothsayings of an obvious deviant.

Some Brief Thoughts On Rain

In life there are two choices: you can either please God or make God sad.

What are our responses to these two emotions? Tears.

And that's what rain is. God's tears. He is weeping for the way we have treated this great country of America that He gave to us. He is weeping for the children, being taught that his weeping is a natural phenomenon. He is weeping for sinners, doomed to suffer for eternity.

"But, Kyle, what about the righteous among us?"

In those cases, they're obviously tears of joy raining upon us. We should delight at the blessings of Jesus, and the wonderful ways in which God works. Man must put the nonsense of "science" behind him and embrace the wonders of God's universe, including his tears which fall to us as rain.

"But, Kyle, why doesn't rain taste like tears?"

Because God, in his infinite glory, does not excrete urea. This is why the silly explanations of rain as "God's Pee-Pee" are easily proven false. God would never defecate, nor urinate. All that is in God is holy and good, not foul and odorous. To even suggest that our Father would emit such disgusting fluids is borderline-blasphemous.

These theories on rain are not new. In 1284AD, St. Vincent Vignolini was the first to insist that rain is the tears of God. This had previously been a commonly accepted belief but, upon submission, Vignolini was subjected to heated debates within the religious community. Some thought that the rain was from above the firmament, and was slowly dissipating due to God's displeasure with us. Giavonni Vignolini, St. Vincent's own grandson, was the first to suggest (in 1344AD) that the empyting of God's bladder was the cause. Giavonni was succinctly, and rightfully, put to death for his outrageous claims.

Today, we have more than mere gut instincts to tell us where the rain comes from. We have the evidence, given to us in the form of a rainbow. This rainbow was a promise from God, to never cry that much again. He had become upset at the sins of man, and cried out of his love for them. Other times, God has cried his rain upon us as gentle reminders of his love, or to show his pleasure.

As with the old blog, Jesus Invented The Internet, I've already had some comments come through (you won't see them, they've been moderated) claiming that I'm either poking fun at religion or that I'm some type of strange fundamentalist weirdo. Well, if believe God's Holy Word and knowing that only He can understand sciences (He made them!) makes you a weirdo, then that's what I am.

Why Should We Torture Scientists?

I get asked a lot:

"Kyle, why do you advocate the torture of scientists?"

And I reply:

"Because it works."

It's been proven that, provided with adequate time, a skilled torturer can make any scientists recant their superstitions about "science" and accept Jesus as a personal savior.

"But, Kyle, that's not what Jesus taught. We're supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves."

Exactly. If I were a doomed sinner, repeating my lies of science to innocent school-children, without knowing better, I would definitely want someone to intercede and get me to convert to Christianity to save my soul. No amount of torture on this world can outweigh the torture I would receive in Hell. So, it would be worth it. It's done out of love.

"But what if the person is strong-willed and doesn't convert?"

At least God will see how hard we tried.

The Idiocy of Gravity

Let's say you believed in worldly magic. Well, if you believe in gravity, you do!

Gravity is a "theory" that basically says that large things attract smaller things. It is supposedly the explanation of up and down, because the earth is bigger than us and we are attracted to it. For some reason, I'm not surprised that these environmentalist scientists want to be attracted to the earth, they sure do seem to love it a lot (why don't they marry it?).

This theory is bogus and has never been proven. I've never "seen" gravity. What I know is what I see. Up is up because God made it up. Down is down because God made it down. It is silly to insist that big things attract smaller things... if that were the case, I'd still be stuck to my fat older brother!

But people have bought this one hook, line and sinker. Never mind the fact that Isaac Newton thought he could perform alchemy, or that he had a serious head injury at the time of his "inspiration," just the idea of gravity itself is something to be scared of.

There is no good reason to believe that some force bigger than we are has some sort of responsibility for where we are, or what happens to us. It's STUPID!

Why Do You Moderate Comments?

As with the old blog, I am instituting a policy of moderating comments. Darwinists and scientists flocked to the old blog, and would fill the comments with "rationalizations" and "facts." Well, I don't have time for either, so if you post a comment, make sure it doesn't look too "sciencey" or I will not allow it. In other words, I am instituting the same policy as Uncommon Descent.

Outsiders who come to my blog and try to post their Darwinist/Meteorologist propaganda can look forward to not seeing their comments on my posts. If you have a criticism, make sure it is valid before you post it, because I will not allow invalid criticisms. These include criticisms of the Bible (you can't criticize it, it's impossible) or criticisms of my research, which is done in a matter consistent with God's teachings.

People should have learned by now that freedom is a gift from God, and He didn't give you the freedom to tell Him what you think, because God made you think it. I don't need you to tell me what God told you to think about me.

Why Does Science Lie?

Everyone who knows me from my old blog, Jesus Invented The Internet, recognizes that I find all science equally offensive. Sure, the weather thing bothers me a bit more on some levels, but I still find it repugnant that people, in this day and age, can actually believe they're smarter than God!

How can they be so dumb? Who could have manipulated people into believing what is obviously a load of garbage, dreamed up by men?!

I'll tell you who: Satan. The devil invented science, by my research, in around 3000BC. Since then, people like the Greeks and Romans and the Greco-Romans have practiced this wizardry, under the guise of logical thought processes. God doesn't want you to use logic, he wants you to use the Bible! I mean, it says it right there in the Bible! How much more evidence could you possibly need?

So, scientists fall into one of two categories:

Category A: The Fools

1. -believe because they've been tricked
2. -can be brought back to Jesus if you try hard
3. -doesn't realize he's doing satan's work

Category B: The Deceivers

1. -knows he works for satan
2. -wants you to work for satan
3. -wants you to burn in hell
4. -willfully ignores the evidence of god
5. -is likely a homosexual or other pervert

So, when you confront a scientist, you can ask him about his beliefs (he'll call them facts). But it's useless, because you know what he believes: that satan is the real god and science is satan's illusion used to trick you into following him. And that's what scientists are all about: using bad logic to trick you into believing the load of BS that they believe!

I'm finishing up some research right now on the sound that rain makes, and will try to post something about my research into rain shortly. The blog's still new, so I'm still working on things! God bless!

What Science Tells You About Rain

We are supposed to believe, according to "science", that rain is some type of natural process. Water evaporates (or as I like to say, magically disappears) into clouds and when the rain condenses (or as I like to say, magically reappears), it falls from the clouds.

That is the most unbelievable hunk of BS I have ever heard! That science accepts it, and that schoolchildren are taught it, is extremely unreasonable.

Supposedly, "meteorologists" can study the atmosphere and make prophecies about what kind of weather we can get. Well, scientists love their empirical evidence, and I have some for them: our local weathermen is WRONG more than he is RIGHT! Heck, I could guess if it was going to rain and do as good as this guy. He calls himself a prophet, but he's always wrong!

"Science" has a lot of stupid things to say, and rain is only one of them. Stay tuned as I'll use evidence and the Bible to prove they're wrong! about this and other things!!

Welcome to Weeping Deity

Hello, brothers in Christ!

I have setup this website in an attempt to help dispel some of the myths and bad science surrounding the ways in which our world works.

First and foremost among these is the "theory" that rain is some type of evaporated water than is released from the "clouds" when certain conditions are met. This scientific blasphemy is easily proven incorrect by my Lord God Jehovah!

Stay tuned to see more details, including advanced scientific analysis of current theories concerning gravity and light and other fantastical dreams thought up by atheist scientists!