Some Brief Thoughts On Rain

In life there are two choices: you can either please God or make God sad.

What are our responses to these two emotions? Tears.

And that's what rain is. God's tears. He is weeping for the way we have treated this great country of America that He gave to us. He is weeping for the children, being taught that his weeping is a natural phenomenon. He is weeping for sinners, doomed to suffer for eternity.

"But, Kyle, what about the righteous among us?"

In those cases, they're obviously tears of joy raining upon us. We should delight at the blessings of Jesus, and the wonderful ways in which God works. Man must put the nonsense of "science" behind him and embrace the wonders of God's universe, including his tears which fall to us as rain.

"But, Kyle, why doesn't rain taste like tears?"

Because God, in his infinite glory, does not excrete urea. This is why the silly explanations of rain as "God's Pee-Pee" are easily proven false. God would never defecate, nor urinate. All that is in God is holy and good, not foul and odorous. To even suggest that our Father would emit such disgusting fluids is borderline-blasphemous.

These theories on rain are not new. In 1284AD, St. Vincent Vignolini was the first to insist that rain is the tears of God. This had previously been a commonly accepted belief but, upon submission, Vignolini was subjected to heated debates within the religious community. Some thought that the rain was from above the firmament, and was slowly dissipating due to God's displeasure with us. Giavonni Vignolini, St. Vincent's own grandson, was the first to suggest (in 1344AD) that the empyting of God's bladder was the cause. Giavonni was succinctly, and rightfully, put to death for his outrageous claims.

Today, we have more than mere gut instincts to tell us where the rain comes from. We have the evidence, given to us in the form of a rainbow. This rainbow was a promise from God, to never cry that much again. He had become upset at the sins of man, and cried out of his love for them. Other times, God has cried his rain upon us as gentle reminders of his love, or to show his pleasure.

As with the old blog, Jesus Invented The Internet, I've already had some comments come through (you won't see them, they've been moderated) claiming that I'm either poking fun at religion or that I'm some type of strange fundamentalist weirdo. Well, if believe God's Holy Word and knowing that only He can understand sciences (He made them!) makes you a weirdo, then that's what I am.