I Guess The Rapture IS Post-Tribulational

Bad news, my Christian brothers.

Since Antichristobama has been elected President of the United States, that must mean that the tribulation has already begun. Despite my belief to the contrary, it has become obvious that Jesus will not be taking us back until the end of the seven years of misery.

Be ready.

More later.

My Interview Was CUT From Expelled!

I can't believe this!

Jesus is coming back in only a matter of days, and I get the disappointment of a lifetime: my interview for the film Expelled! has been cut!

I've personally been unable to attend a screening, for fear of Richard Dawkins or PZ Myers showing up, but a friend of mine attended a recent screening in California and informed me that I was not in the film nor in the end credits! I get the feeling that "Big Hollywood" thought the information I gave was too dangerous for the children they're busy indoctrinating.

As soon as I get raptured, I'm going to kick Mark's ass.

Less Than 12 Days Until Jesus Returns

It's gonna be so sweet. I can't decide if I want to laugh at those left behind as I'm being raptured or bask in the glory of Jesus. It's a tough call. I'm thinking the choice will be clear when the situation is upon me.

I'm looking forward to seeing many people; Grandpa, Grandma-ma, Poppy, Nan-Nan, Aunt Mack.

Someone else I'm looking forward to meeting is Illinois State Representative Monique Davis (D). Yes, I actually want to meet a Democrat. Why? Because of the below video (please ignore the last few minutes, some idiot made this video).

Return of: The Flat Earth Society

As a believer in the pre-Tribulation return of Christ to rapture me and all other (real) Christians, Jesus isn't the only thing I see making a comeback in the near future. I envision the return of the Flat Earth Society.

During the 7 years of the Tribulation, those left behind with the Antichrist(s) will realize that the Earth is flat. And Jesus will prove it: He'll redeem God's science as he redeems God's chosen.

If the Earth were round, Jesus' return on his awesome dinosaur wouldn't appear simultaneously to everyone on the planet. The people on one side of the planet would see Him coming first, and could call their friend on the other side and tell them to pray and accept Jesus real quick – and I don't think Jesus wants that to happen. Only a flat earth will permit the grand spectacle that day, and all will witness... and my friends and I will ride back on our own awesome dinosaurs.

Here's a graphical depiction of how that works.


Less than three weeks away now. It's going to be so sweet.

The End is Near: UPDATE! New Evidence of the Approaching End-Times!

Our Lord certainly must be planning his eminent return. How else could you explain this Apocalyptic spectacle?

THE END IS NEAR

I took some time to go into the mountains and get closer to God. Then he started showing me an awesome vision.

The End Times. The beginning of those 7 awful years. Worse for me, since I shall be persecuted and prevented from buying and selling; I simply refuse to take the mark of the beast.

April 20, 2008. It's going to happen, possibly noon-ish. I hope you are ready. If you are not, perhaps it is time you came to recognize Jesus as your personal savior and stop living your meteorologist-loving-secular-molecular-germ-theory- coming-from-apes-global-warming-big-bang- homosexual-science lifestyle.

I'm having more visions. More later.

People, Let Me Tell Ya Bout My Best Friend

I need to tell you about a fantasy I've always had: the ability to lounge back in my recliner in a pair of overly snug tighty-whiteys and keep other people from accessing information I didn't like. Until now, that's just been a dream. But someone has finally made it a reality.

Oh, Abunga, how I love thee! Let me count the ways!

1. blocked The Golden Compass
2. blocked anything by Richard Dawkins
3. blocked Fahrenheit 451
   

That's at least three ways I love you already. What a sweet concept: I don't like a book, so I ban it and you can't buy it either. Admittedly, there is a flaw in the system — it takes many people banning a book to get it completely removed. So, my loyal legion, sign up and start banning all that science nonsense forthwith!

I Wish They'd Just Study Meteors

Those damn meteorologists are at it again. Poisoning the brains of our young with rotten lies.

7-year-old Cameron McLellan wants to be — get this — a meteorologist when he grows up. Wonder who got him hooked? Oh, it was The Weather Channel. Surprise, surprise.

Q: Why are you so fascinated with the weather?
A: It's all the nature in it, and all the things weather can do. Like lightning can strike twice.

The nature in it? If that's what's so fascinating, why isn't he turning to the Lord? That's what's interesting to me. I wonder if little Cameron knows much about "ensemble forecasting," the way the meteorologists acknowledge their mistakes in advance by using multiple composites with many variables to calculate their predictions. It's nothing more than shameless bet-hedging that will allow them to be "wrong" without being "in the wrong." Those variables — those are my Lord's way of letting you know who is in charge.

I think it's time we make a stand and keep these vile people from poisoning our youth and spitting on our religion. I've been calling for a boycott for years, but I think it's really time we got it going.

Don't Try to Comment if You're Going to be a Smart Ass

Yes. You. Don't even think about it.

Example:

Kyle, you lowlife piece of shit. Torturing scientists is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life, next to some of the "theories" behind intelligent design. I can see how the two potentially correlate, but that doesn't give them credence. And you really need to stop writing some really stupid shit, posting it, then going back 20 minutes later and changing it to slightly less stupid shit, then further reverting every time someone tries to comment and point out your mistakes (your comment queue is more like a gas chamber) until you've removed most of the "science" debates and left a completely unsupported insane argument. You vomit out a topic to debate, block any potential opponents from expressing their view, then go off on some tangent and declare an undeserved victory.
-Jeff

Well, Jeff (I'm actually assuming that you're PZ Myers due to the foul language), I believe you owe me an apology. I just posted your comment in the body of the blog posting; therefore, I win.

Evolving a Soul

One of the bits of scientific research that I've had to slowly accept over the years is the theory of evolution. There was simply too much evidence in its favor — but that doesn't mean it's not in God's favor. What an ingenuous way of creating life!

But I was thinking, just the other night, about the horrible implications of evolution. First, there is an unseen force called "NATURAL SELECTION" that goes around killing all the weaker, dumber animals. Last time I checked, that force was called "THE ANGEL OF DEATH" and he works for the Big Man Upstairs. There's one dilemma solved.

Then another dilemma hit me, one that I am still trying to work out. If man evolved from a lower form, did we at some point 'evolve' a soul? Or will every creature in the lineage of our species also be in heaven? I just don't want to be in heaven with a bunch of Neanderthals. I think I have figured it out, though. At some point, man evolved a soul — it obviously has the awesome characteristic of immortality that the Holy Spirit would have to select for. Below, I've presented a diagram of when I think this occurred. Your comments, if they are agreeable, are welcomed.